The Sick Note

Dear sir 
I write this note to you to tell you of me plight 
And at the time of writing I am not a pretty sight 
Me body is all black and blue, me face a deathly grey 
And I write this note to say why Paddy's not at work today 

While working on the fourteenth floor some bricks I had to clear 
Now to throw them down from such a height was not a good idea
The foreman wasn't very pleased he being an awkward sod 
He said I'd have to cart them down the ladder in me hod 

Now clearing all these bricks by hand, it was so very slow 
So I hoisted up a barrel and secured the rope below 
But in me haste to do the job I was too blind to see 
That a barrel full of building bricks was heavier than me 

So when I untied the rope, the barrel fell like lead 
And clinging tightly to the rope I started up instead 
Well I shot up like a rocket till to my dismay I found 
That halfway up I met the bloody barrel coming down 

Well the barrel broke me shoulder as to the ground it sped 
And when I reached the top I banged the pulley with me head 
Well I clung on tight though numb with shock from this almighty blow 
And the barrel spilled out half the bricks fourteen floors below 

Now when these bricks had fallen from the barrel to the floor 
I then outweighed the barrel and so started down once more 
Still clinging tightly to the rope I sped towards the ground 
And I landed on the broken bricks that were all scattered round. 

Well I lay there groaning on the ground, I thought I'd passed the worst 
When the barrel hit the pulley wheel and then the bottom burst 
Well a shower of bricks rained down on me, I hadn't got a hope 
As I lay there moaning on the ground, I let go the bloody rope 

The barrel then being heavier it started down once more 
And landed right across me as I lay upon the floor 
Well it broke three ribs, and my left arm, and I can only say 
I hope you'll understand why Paddy's not at work today.